Some jokes for u all...

viya_18 · 16th April 2007, 02:40 AM

TEACHER: Why are you late?
Johnny Martin: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Johnny Martin: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
Slow."
*-
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your maths sums on
the floor?
JOHNNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
*-
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*
TEACHER: Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
JOHNNY: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Johnny!
*-*-*

TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have
today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
JOHNNY: Me!
*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
*-*-*

JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.
*-*
02 May 2004 08:54 pm #2

Teacher: What is the total of 6 + 4 ?
Johnny began totalling on his fingers. The Teacher told him to add mentally and keep his fingers behind his back.
Johnny, with his hands behind his back began adding on his fingers. The Teacher again scolded him and asked him to keep his hands in his two pockets. Johnny was not to be left behind and stealthily again used his fingers and answered 11.

The village-Teacher asked all his students to bring some item of food tomorrow as it was his birthday.
Little Johnny requested his mother to cook something but she refused. Just then a dog began eating the 'KHEER' cooked by her. Mother told
Johnny to take the KHEER as she would not like to use the remaining portion. She packed the KHEER in a clay 'Lota'. The Teacher tasted all the items brought by his students and praised the KHEER as he declared it to be the best. Little Johnny was honest and admitted that, "Kutte ne muh maar diya tha isliye phenkne ki jagah maa ne aapke liye de di." The Teacher threw the 'Lota' on the floor and it broke. Johnny began crying. The Teacher scolded him, "Ek to tune kutte ki juthi Kheer khilayi uspe ro raha hai." Johnny answered, "You broke the Lota, which my father used daily when he went to the Jungle every morning."

One fine day a Girl proposed to a Sardar and Sardar denied simply,
saying that in our Family we marry only our relatives :
My MoM married my Dad, my Brother married my Bhabhi, My Uncle married my Aunt and so on. Hence, please excuse me.
*******
"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...." Everybody in the
ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then a
Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles,Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me
which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards ...
*******
Sardarjee to a woman: "I want to marry you" .
Woman: "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
********
Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and
started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,"
complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
*******
Hotel Manager to a Sardar waiter. Paape go and check if anybody is Relaxing on the beach side resort.

Praaji goes and checks with many people 'Are you Relaxing are you relaxing..?' Everybody is enjoying and refutes sardar. Finally for his good fortune he meets a person who says yes. Exclaims sardi 'Arrey yaar that manager is looking out for you for so long!!!'(Relax Singh)
*************
Just a couple of funny bits from rural Maharashtra.
Student who was hit by a bull when its pouring and reaches school late. First lecture is English and the teacher is a new recruit frm city.
Teacher: "Why are you late?"
Student: "Sir paaoos padat hota....."
Teacher cuts him short and says"Speak in English"
Student: "Chikli pikli on the road. Cow's husband came from his shinda, made me kangda so Im late!!!"
####################
A rural teacher new to the city class of engineering students of which had closed all windows.
"Open the doors of the windows and let the air force in"
Hotel Manager to a Sardar waiter. Paape go and check if anybody is Relaxing on the beach side resort.

Praaji goes and checks with many people 'Are you Relaxing are you relaxing..?' Everybody is enjoying and refutes sardar. Finally for his good fortune he meets a person who says yes. Exclaims sardi 'Arrey yaar that manager is looking out for you for so long!!!'(Relax Singh)
*************
Just a couple of funny bits from rural Maharashtra.
Student who was hit by a bull when its pouring and reaches school late. First lecture is English and the teacher is a new recruit frm city.
Teacher: "Why are you late?"
Student: "Sir paaoos padat hota....."
Teacher cuts him short and says"Speak in English"
Student: "Chikli pikli on the road. Cow's husband came from his shinda, made me kangda so Im late!!!"
####################
A rural teacher new to the city class of engineering students of which had closed all windows.
"Open the doors of the windows and let the air force in"
*_******
The following are some sentences which were actually used by our sports instructor back in School:

"Open the window let the atmosphere come in"

"There is no wind in the ball (football)"

"Hey look at the round round the sun" (There was a ring of clouds around the sun)

"Is that a bird or a crow"

**Maksa** · 17th April 2007, 12:03 AM

i love johnny jokes

giving 5 star to this thread

viya_18 · 21st April 2007, 05:24 AM

thanks maksa....

**drunk_tiger** · 24th May 2007, 08:36 PM

priya u hav done a really goood job

**Bunny** · 25th May 2007, 05:29 AM

Priya good work
kamal hi kar di tumne
keep it up

shepoison_21 · 25th May 2007, 03:00 PM

i think i'v read this on maksa b4...is it a repost

16th April 2007, 02:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
viya_18 Friendly Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Chennai Posts: 23	Some jokes for u all... TEACHER: Why are you late? Johnny Martin: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? Johnny Martin: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." - TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? JOHNNY: You told me to do it without using tables! - TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? JOHNNY: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O! - TEACHER: Johnny, go to the map and find North America. JOHNNY: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: Johnny! --* TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. JOHNNY: Me! --- TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty? JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. -- JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? JOHNNY: Your name on this report card. --- TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOHNNY: Don't bite any. -* 02 May 2004 08:54 pm #2 Teacher: What is the total of 6 + 4 ? Johnny began totalling on his fingers. The Teacher told him to add mentally and keep his fingers behind his back. Johnny, with his hands behind his back began adding on his fingers. The Teacher again scolded him and asked him to keep his hands in his two pockets. Johnny was not to be left behind and stealthily again used his fingers and answered 11. The village-Teacher asked all his students to bring some item of food tomorrow as it was his birthday. Little Johnny requested his mother to cook something but she refused. Just then a dog began eating the 'KHEER' cooked by her. Mother told Johnny to take the KHEER as she would not like to use the remaining portion. She packed the KHEER in a clay 'Lota'. The Teacher tasted all the items brought by his students and praised the KHEER as he declared it to be the best. Little Johnny was honest and admitted that, "Kutte ne muh maar diya tha isliye phenkne ki jagah maa ne aapke liye de di." The Teacher threw the 'Lota' on the floor and it broke. Johnny began crying. The Teacher scolded him, "Ek to tune kutte ki juthi Kheer khilayi uspe ro raha hai." Johnny answered, "You broke the Lota, which my father used daily when he went to the Jungle every morning." One fine day a Girl proposed to a Sardar and Sardar denied simply, saying that in our Family we marry only our relatives : My MoM married my Dad, my Brother married my Bhabhi, My Uncle married my Aunt and so on. Hence, please excuse me. ***** "Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...." Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. Italian : How far is land, from here ? Sardarji : Two miles . Italian : Only two miles,Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again. Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ? Sardarji : Downwards ... *** Sardarjee to a woman: "I want to marry you" . Woman: "But I am one year elder to you." Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year." **** Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches. *** Hotel Manager to a Sardar waiter. Paape go and check if anybody is Relaxing on the beach side resort. Praaji goes and checks with many people 'Are you Relaxing are you relaxing..?' Everybody is enjoying and refutes sardar. Finally for his good fortune he meets a person who says yes. Exclaims sardi 'Arrey yaar that manager is looking out for you for so long!!!'(Relax Singh) ********* Just a couple of funny bits from rural Maharashtra. Student who was hit by a bull when its pouring and reaches school late. First lecture is English and the teacher is a new recruit frm city. Teacher: "Why are you late?" Student: "Sir paaoos padat hota....." Teacher cuts him short and says"Speak in English" Student: "Chikli pikli on the road. Cow's husband came from his shinda, made me kangda so Im late!!!" #################### A rural teacher new to the city class of engineering students of which had closed all windows. "Open the doors of the windows and let the air force in" Hotel Manager to a Sardar waiter. Paape go and check if anybody is Relaxing on the beach side resort. Praaji goes and checks with many people 'Are you Relaxing are you relaxing..?' Everybody is enjoying and refutes sardar. Finally for his good fortune he meets a person who says yes. Exclaims sardi 'Arrey yaar that manager is looking out for you for so long!!!'(Relax Singh) *********** Just a couple of funny bits from rural Maharashtra. Student who was hit by a bull when its pouring and reaches school late. First lecture is English and the teacher is a new recruit frm city. Teacher: "Why are you late?" Student: "Sir paaoos padat hota....." Teacher cuts him short and says"Speak in English" Student: "Chikli pikli on the road. Cow's husband came from his shinda, made me kangda so Im late!!!" #################### A rural teacher new to the city class of engineering students of which had closed all windows. "Open the doors of the windows and let the air force in" _***** The following are some sentences which were actually used by our sports instructor back in School: "Open the window let the atmosphere come in" "There is no wind in the ball (football)" "Hey look at the round round the sun" (There was a ring of clouds around the sun) "Is that a bird or a crow" __________________ Sweet Priya Last edited by Bunny; 25th May 2007 at 05:31 AM.

17th April 2007, 12:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
Maksa Friendly Administrator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Rajkot (INDIA) Posts: 4,326	i love johnny jokes giving 5 star to this thread __________________

21st April 2007, 05:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
viya_18 Friendly Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Chennai Posts: 23	thanks maksa.... __________________ Sweet Priya

25th May 2007, 05:29 AM	#5 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,910	Priya good work kamal hi kar di tumne keep it up __________________

25th May 2007, 03:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
shepoison_21 Friendly Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: fiji Posts: 219	i think i'v read this on maksa b4...is it a repost __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] CHOOSE :- A quick death or slow poison

24th May 2007, 08:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
drunk_tiger WickEd SuNNy Join Date: May 2007 Location: nepal Posts: 2,354	priya u hav done a really goood job

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