LICENSE TO STEAL (Idiot Jokes) - Page 2

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:37 AM

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched...............

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:38 AM

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:39 AM

An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:40 AM

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:41 AM

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:42 AM

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:43 AM

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:44 AM

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:49 AM

A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use accessory straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground." Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma". An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:49 AM

Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats.

26th April 2007, 04:37 AM	#11 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Idiots & Retail I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched............... __________________

26th April 2007, 04:38 AM	#12 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Idiots & Geography After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?" __________________

26th April 2007, 04:39 AM	#13 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Advice For Idiots An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." __________________

26th April 2007, 04:40 AM	#14 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Idiots In The Neighborhood I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. __________________

26th April 2007, 04:41 AM	#15 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Idiots & Computers My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" __________________

26th April 2007, 04:42 AM	#16 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Idiots Are Easy To Please I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. __________________

26th April 2007, 04:43 AM	#17 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Idiots In Food Service My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. __________________

26th April 2007, 04:44 AM	#18 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	An Idiot's Idiot Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. __________________

26th April 2007, 04:49 AM	#19 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Gravity Kills A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use accessory straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground." Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma". An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week. __________________

26th April 2007, 04:49 AM	#20 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Launched On The Fourth Of July Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats. __________________

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