LICENSE TO STEAL (Idiot Jokes)

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:36 AM

Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:38 AM

A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:41 AM

Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:42 AM

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:43 AM

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:44 AM

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:45 AM

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 03:59 AM

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:01 AM

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

**Bunny** · 26th April 2007, 04:02 AM

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

26th April 2007, 03:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	LICENSE TO STEAL (Idiot Jokes) Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:38 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	In The Bag A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:41 AM	#3 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Made For Tv Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Do You Accept Credit Cards? A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:43 AM	#5 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	You Mean Me? A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Deadheads A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	This Would Be Me The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom. __________________

26th April 2007, 03:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Learn Your Lesson When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times __________________

26th April 2007, 04:01 AM	#9 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Ahh, That's Better! A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years. __________________

26th April 2007, 04:02 AM	#10 (permalink)
Bunny Global Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,893	Oops! I Blew That One! A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. __________________

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